Toast to Life

With each new day I find a reason to celebrate. Even on the gloomiest of days.

I start each morning with my favorite form of celebration: dance. To set the tone for the day, in gratitude for life, and as a healing practice. I make it a point to actively celebrate the little things each day, and to celebrate the big things with people that I love. To me celebration is a form of love, and self-love.

But I haven’t always known how to celebrate.

For much of my life, celebration actually felt like betrayal. It felt like being too “loud” and “being arrogant’”. It felt like shining my light so bright that it would overshadow my friends and family members. It sounded like, “well I don’t want [insert family member’s name] to feel bad, so let’s just keep this to ourselves.” The bells of celebration sounded like taking up too much space. And to take up too much space was frowned upon. Eventually, I learned to frown upon it as well.

Because I didn’t think I was worthy of being celebrated.

How dare others celebrate themselves loudly, when I don’t even celebrate myself at all?

I remember the first time a best friend of mine threw me a surprise party. I cried the entire day, because I felt like no one cared. I swore that I would never hold hope again that anyone cared. And when I walked into that room full of friends…I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t feel worthy of the celebration. This many people want to celebrate ME? Nah...there’s no way, I thought.

So much so that I couldn’t even receive the love without skepticism. Without side eye. I suppose also believed that others celebrating me meant that they wanted something in return. I believed that celebration of me was conditional. It was earned by some gesture in return.

You see, as women, we aren’t taught to celebrate ourselves. And as a woman of color, I wasn’t taught to be visible, let alone be loud about my accomplishments. Cultural and societal conditioning taught me to just be thankful for what I had been given. To move in silence and be humble. To give and not expect much in return. To not ‘make a fuss’. To not be a burden. These were the same messages I received by observing the female figures in my life.

I knew the women in my life were immensely proud of me, even when the words “I am proud of you” were not spoken. But to outwardly celebrate me, without it becoming a burden for them, was a bigger ask. It meant asking them to do something for me that they had never even considered doing for themselves.

But these messages didn’t just come from the women in my life. They came from the men as well. The strive to stay afloat and be successful in a society that hasn’t always supported our visibility or success as Black people, has meant that we constantly strive for excellence and greatness. That accomplishment's come, but we must keep striving for the next one. And for many of us that has meant that we haven’t often stopped to celebrate and pat ourselves on the back for all that we’ve done, and how far we’ve come.

‘When is the next promotion?’ ‘That 90% is great, but where’s the other 10?’ ‘How can we do better next time?’ are just some of the questions my Dad asked me when I accomplished a big goal of mine. And yes, this is also love and encouragement in its own right, but it failed to acknowledge the beauty and greatness in the present moment.

While there is beauty in the strive to be excellent, we are very much worthy of a pause for celebration. To be celebrated in the little things, in the big things, and in every moment. Just because.

So let’s reject the idea that celebration is reserved for special occasions, or something to be earned.

I’ve learned that to celebrate myself not only means loving on myself, it expands my heart to love and celebrate others in a bigger way. Because celebrating myself, contrary to what I have been taught, does not take away from anyone else. And celebrating the people I love does not take away from me.

We are ALL worthy of celebration.

I celebrate for my Dad, who downplays his massive life accomplishments. I celebrate for my Mom, who recently told me that she was so proud of me for doing what she could not do herself, and yet, she continues to make ME proud every single day. And my celebration is for everyone who has supported me on this journey, played a role in my growth, and uplifted me.

Today, I want YOU to celebrate YOU.

Buy yourself those flowers. Put on that outfit you’ve been saving for a special occasion. Dance your heart out. Eat that cake. Book that trip. Toast to your life. Don’t wait for others to celebrate you. CELEBRATE YOURSELF. You are deserving.

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